Question for my readers
In your opinion, which of the following scenarios seems most likely to occur:
a)
That a certain princess who had sovereign reign over her kingdom for almost four years will somehow learn to share with her little sister and enjoy the fact that she is no longer in charge of all the toys all the time;
or
b)
That I will lose my mind in the process of trying to make this happen.
Agh……..Anyone have a copy of ‘Siblings Without Rivalry’ to lend me?
I have nothing constructive to help you with, but it is somewhat encouraging to see that a 4 year split isn’t necessarily easier than a 2 year split. Peter is an angel so long as Leo isn’t around–agh.
Off to go request that book at the library.
Comment by Amy F — 08.26.06 @ 3:52:02
My kids are both angels when the other isn’t around.
But if it helps any, they are playing more and more peacefully with each other as Lily gets older. Sometimes lately they go for hours without bugging me and with no mediation required!
I think temperament might have more to do with it than how long they were or weren’t an only. Lily has always had to share with a sibling, and she is still convinced that it is all hers, LOL.
Comment by Tara — 08.26.06 @ 3:30:20
I wish I could help. And I agree with Tara on temperment. Sam is and always has been a sharer — it would never occur to him to grab something from another kid, and he’d just burst into tears before he’d ever think about grabbing something back. But Tess is the kind of kid who will take anything and everything from Sam –and will hit him over the head with it if she has to struggle at all. The kid has an entitlement complex and lately Sam is getting so frustrated with her. Sam hasn’t an aggressive bone in his body and he is being bullied by a 1 year old!
Comment by Jenn — 08.26.06 @ 5:43:03
If you figure it out, let me know. Jenna (7) has always ruled the roost (maybe it’s an oldest girl thing) and Jack (5) didn’t start speaking well until the last year or so. Now that he speaks well, he finally can make his opinion of how things should go known in no uncertain terms. And the fighting has been horrendous. But on the other hand, Neither of them fight with Julia (1) - they fight OVER her but not WITH her!!
Good luck!
Comment by Bobbi — 08.27.06 @ 2:14:41
I wish I had answers. I think that forcing them to work things out on their own has helped quite a bit. I often ask Abi, “What do you think is the right thing to do?” Nitara is still a little young for such things but she sees her older sister modeling it. The Siblings W/Out Rivalry book is better for older kids, but it had some good ideas. Like talking about feelings. I will sit down and talk with Abi like, “It’s hard having a little sister sometimes, isn’t it?” and then she will open up. That’s often all that’s needed, is for her to have a chance to express her feelings and I don’t censor them even if they are ugly feelings. If she gets them out through talking, she is more likely to use her words instead of pushing and hitting. But of course neither is perfect and there is still fighting. It’s encouraging to see that they still love each other very much at the end of the day. And it’s been nice lately, in the mornings and after naps they will often disappear for an hour into their room and play together. Never thought I’d see the day!
Comment by Darshani — 08.27.06 @ 5:24:10
B. Definetly B. I do have a copy of Siblings Without Rivalry. It can be helpful, but any book you can’t miss when throwing can be helpful.
Comment by Karen — 08.28.06 @ 12:54:43
Well, my vote is for “B,” though hopefully they’ll learn to play together nicely for at least a short while.
My two either seem to be the best of friends or the worst of enemies. Some days, they’ll play together all day. They’ll share and take turns. They’ll make up games to play together. It’s positively blissful. Other days, I swear they’ll kill each other if I leave them alone together for more than 30 seconds.
Hang in there!! Such is the life of a mom to more than one . . .
Comment by Lisa P — 08.28.06 @ 6:40:01
Well . . .My sister is 39 and my brother is 41. They share with me sometimes . . .when their spouses make them.
Comment by Diane — 08.28.06 @ 7:56:40
Sorry ‘about your luck, dear. Wait until J is just a little older. M just learned to bait W, and he falls for it every time. The reaction is so great, how can she not walk by and show him that she has one of his library books (which we try to keep from her).
W wants to give her nothing. There is no sharing. I made the rule today that they cannot be alone together. She always ends up crying, so they have been separated unless I am in the room.
Comment by Anna — 08.29.06 @ 3:42:51
Ah, sharing… that perennial bugaboo.
I did read somewhere that sharing is a developmental skill and that children acquire it at different ages depending on the child. I do believe that sharing must be modeled, and cannot be forced, but must come from the heart - but that is an ideal, and is not much help when your children are fighting over some stupid plastic gizmo for the 10,000th time in 10 minutes.
I have no other real constructive advice, my youngest being younger than your youngest - but I see lots of parallels between our oldests from time to time, and will be watching for ideas.
Comment by Melinda — 08.29.06 @ 6:46:49
I realise dear sister that you don’t not rmember much of our childhood… but I have to ask you… when was the last time you remember being happy about sharing anything with our dear oldest brother… if I remember correctly… im not sure its ever happend;) I love you:)
Comment by Lynn — 08.31.06 @ 12:39:19
Seriously, I think learning to share is one of the hardest, and longest-to-learn lessons. Obviously, we’re not facing this on a day-to-day basis yet in our house, but whenever Aidan is with his cousin, this issue comes up in full force. We’re at her house right now, and I’m not kidding you, something comes up every 10 minutes or so. It drives me absolutely batty!! There is a continual mantra of “You need to share, you need to be kind” when they are together.
I don’t know, do you think it would help if there were certain special toys of Bella’s that were off-limits to Julianna? So during those times where she was feeling particularly frustrated by her things being played with, she could go in her room or somewhere private and know she wouldn’t be disturbed for a few minutes? I know that’s not possible most of the time, but maybe it would help when she’s really at her limits.
Comment by Rebekah — 08.31.06 @ 11:11:53
I would loan you my copy, but I’ve been too busy breaking up fights to finsh it! “I accidentally hugged her too tight, not my fault she is hurt.”
Comment by Kelsey — 09.02.06 @ 4:40:34