What she said
I love the internet in general and the blogosphere in particular for many reasons - not the least of which is that I often I stumble across parenting and life truisms that make me go, ‘oh yea, she gets it’.
We’ve been struggling with Bella lately. Since we returned from Canada she’s been seriously out of control and Sam and I have been at our wits end. Pretty obvious where it comes from (um, home remodel, upcoming move, starting kindergarten, big trip away from her father for five weeks, etc; just a few stresses in our lives). Not so obvious how to fix it.
We’ve been wondering how we went so wrong with this parenting thing, why the universe gives kids to people like us who are so obviously not up to the task of raising a productive member of society. Still, every now and then she’ll do something so lovely and sweet that my heart contracts with the depth of my love for her and I feel guilty about how many times I’ve thought about dropping her off at the mall and leaving her there.
Then today I read this passage at Dooce, and I had to laugh out loud.
“You think you’re going to be prepared for the sheer incredibleness of such a moment, but it’s like, someone keeps setting off pipe bombs on your front porch and throwing rocks through your windows, and then one day out of nowhere they show up and mow your lawn. And you’re suddenly glad you didn’t shoot them last week.”
That could not be more exactly, perfectly, dead on how I’ve been feeling. Of course, right now Bella follows up the lawn mowing by tossing yet another pipe bomb through the living room window…but whatever. We’re working on it.
Oh yea. What she said.
Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. All I can tell you is that it isn’t you - it’s the age and the fact that she’s an oldest girl. I’ve yet to meet one who didn’t go through this. Here’s hoping it ends for you soon. Kindergarten helps. Good luck to you - I feel your pain (and am not looking forwrad to feeling it again, but Julia’s proving to me that it’ll be sooner rather than later…ugh).
Comment by Bobbi — 08.15.07 @ 5:50:18
If it makes you feel better, we feel the same way. There are so many times we don’t feel good enough to parent these children and wonder why we don’t have any sense of control. But I think it’s just how the children learn their balance and gain their sense of control. My 4-year-old daughter recently threw a 30 minute screaming fit about getting dressed for preschool. Daddy was ready to take her brother to school and not have her go, Mommy was ready to take her and not pick her up.
Until later of course.
Comment by Beth — 08.15.07 @ 6:13:44
Thank you so much for sharing this quote and your feelings. Just today I’ve gotten to the point of frustration with my 7 yo that I can’t even get angry anymore. I don’t have any good ideas, but it helps to know I’m not the only one.
Comment by Andrea — 08.16.07 @ 12:35:43
Whenever people tell me that my kids are cute I respond by saying, “Yes, and it saves their lives regularly.”
Kids are a lot of fucking work, and somedays I’m just so tired from it. And I make mistakes (like telling them to get out at the parking lot at the 99 cent store and go find another family because clearly they aren’t happy with the one they already have). They must keep me around because I’m cute?
At the end of the day I guess we just all try to forgive each other a little or a lot depending on what kind of day it was.
Comment by Karen — 08.16.07 @ 3:17:12
I’m dealing with this with both my daughters right now — not as much because our lives are not as topsy-turvy right now, but like with you that’s certainly what it is. I find I react to the stresses by going ever more inward, expecting everyone else to behave ever more reasonably… and it builds on itself, not in a good way.
Every once in a while, I remember to just sit, and hold, and be, and look, and adore. I have so much power to make things better. I don’t know why I keep forgetting that, even moment-to-moment.
Hugs to you.
Comment by Linda — 08.16.07 @ 6:16:30