Part Three: How much?
Subtitle: did you see my ass in these?

From there it’s a wee bit of a blur (but I don’t *think* I spent any money, which is good, considering the direction the day was taking) until we hit Express to hunt for some jeans. Mani had gotten some Editor* denim trousers there last year, so it seemed like a good place to start the hunt for perfect denim.

Generally I find trying on jeans to be an emotionally scaring/self-esteem crushing experience. You know, rather like that horrible breakup in college when your boyfriend left you for the Claudia Schiffer look-a-like. Or, trying to wear non-maternity pants for the first time after giving birth. It takes me to a bad place, really it does - there’s no good can possibly come of it. On that note, I avoid jean-trying-on like the plague, unless I’m feeling particularly thin and desirable or it’s an absolute emergency (you know, like the world is going to end).

However, there were big signs proclaiming $20 off on an entire line of jeans - and you already know what sale signs do to my common sense (see previous entry re: the zone). Obviously Mani was similarly possessed, as we both started willy-nilly pulling one of everything off the racks. Then of course we needed some shirts to try on with the jeans, and we were off to the fitting rooms.

[On a related note - do you know that some stores won’t let you share a fitting room with a friend? I think it’s ridiculous. When I go shopping with someone I don’t want to come out and parade myself in front of a bunch of random strangers only to be told that maybe I should consider putting that particular dress back on the rack because my bosoms are hanging out in an alarming fashion. Plus, I always forget that many stores have rooms that lock automatically, and I inevitably end up locked out, standing and waiting for an employee to wander by and let me back in my room to get changed. So much easier to just take all the clothes into one room and try things on together - don’t you think?]

In the end, wonder of wonders, there was one style of jeans** that looked pretty damn fabulous on both of us (if I do say so myself). Rare, I think, for that to happen. We have totally different body shapes; she’s bootylicious (and a damn fine booty it is too) and I’m rather unfortunately booty-less. Somehow though, when we pulled on those pants some sorta voodoo magic occurred.

It wasn’t just the surprisingly welcome booty-enhancement. Why, my legs grew at least a few inches, and my unfortunate muffin-top (oh, bane-of-my-existence, why do you torture me so?) was fortunately reduced. Nothing bunched, nothing squeezed - almost as comfy as a pair of sweatpants. Almost. It seemed as if these things were stitched by the goddess herself with some sort of magic thread***. For the photographers reading - it was like Photoshops Liquify Filter come to life.

Of course, at this point we were happy because we both thought we’d found an awesome pair of jeans for $40. Come to find out, Express has a high end line too - and we’d fallen in love with $98 dollar pair of jeans.

Damn!

[For a short while I allow myself to consider - what kind of wonders could the $300 variety of denim create? Quickly, I recognize that this - given my ability to forget that I do not have the sort of bank balance that could support a $300 jean habit - could be a VERY dangerous line of thought to pursue. I mean, I’ve got my Lush addition to consider. I bring myself reluctantly back to reality].

Now, I know spending a hundred bucks on a pair of jeans is not a big deal to some, but to this Flaming-Goodwill-Queen it seems like near sacrilege. But still, if you’d seen our asses in those jeans - you’d know why we had to go ahead and do it. I mean, it would have been wrong not to share that with the world, almost criminal really. We did it for the benefit of humanity - not to please our own selfish desires.

My decision to also buy two more tops and toss in a chunky silver bracelet at the cash is slightly less justifiable. But whatever, I blame it on the zone - and the fact that I was still giddy over the fact that those jeans made my butt looked borderline perky.

Wanna see?

*Express’s Editor pants are just the nicest cut, best fitting pants I’ve ever gotten from a mall chain store…I think I have them in three different fabrics/weights and they really seem to look great on almost everyone. Check them out, won’t you?

**Wicked West Style Stiletto Skinny Denim - Misty Indigo

***For those of you who will inevitably see the jeans in person. If you look at me and think to yourself “Sheesh - she’s on crack. They must have those trick mirrors in the Express store”…please keep those thoughts to yourself. Don’t burst my bubble baby, not after I spent a hundred bucks on the damn things. I prefer to maintain my delusions, they keep me happy.