She left. Can you believe it? She just drove off in her big ole’ truck, with her ghetto camper in the truck bed, her strong man at the wheel and her two sprites sleeping in the backseat – heads bent at precarious angles - oblivious for a moment to what lies ahead.

Gone.

She burst into my house - the way she always does - completely filling the space with her presence. Wildly gesturing hands. Ever expressive face. Undeniable physicality. Uncontainable Energy. Staccato communication. Profound strength. Kind and open heart. Ancient and wise soul. A whirlwind of life and love and knowing and the sweetest kind of friendship.

One of a kind.

She was in and out of here in less than ten minutes. Quick and painless, that was the plan. We hugged and smiled and said our goodbyes casually, almost as if I was going to be meeting up with her later at the park near her house where we’d picnic on a juice-stained blanket in the sun. I forgot to take an extra second to breathe in her scent, or to touch her hair or memorize that sparkle in her eye. I was distracted by the effort it took not to cry.

I watched her truck roll down the street and felt the first twinge of what I know will only be fully realized in time. Loss. Sadness. A small empty space inside my heart. Joy. Hope. Excitement for her upcoming journey. Eagerness to see her again, belly full to bursting with her wee dove-baby.

It’s not like I didn’t know this was coming, but denial is a powerful thing. For months and months I’ve told myself to prepare for her inevitable exit, but what I did was push it from my mind. It’s not as if ignoring something ever makes it go away – but I was determined to give it my very best shot. Until today I simply was not ready to truly accept that she was leaving us.

And then she left, just as quickly and smoothly as she once entered my life, my heart, my soul.

I want to run ahead and tell the world to get ready – here she comes. I want to caution them to cherish her brilliance. I want to urge them to open themselves wide to accept her infinite wisdom. I want to make sure they all understand that we released her so that she could splash her unique brand of love and life from here all the way through the Pacific Northwest.

I want to manifest a blessed community for her in her new hometown, the sort of community that will provide her with comfort, nourish her spirit and recognize the gift that has befallen them from the very first second she enters their realm. I picture for her the kind of profound and life-changing connections that I know fuel her mind and spirit. I envision her reaching and growing and creating – thriving in the midst of mountains and oceans and green, green, green.

No way could this parched desert soil ever hope to contain such a vital spirit. A life like that needs the rolling ocean, and the jagged cliffs and growing, growing, growing all around her in order to be truly in possession of herself. I can see her there, planted firmly in mountain pose, stretching from the earth to the sky. Larger than life and at one with her surroundings in a way she could never have been in this suburban wasteland. There, I believe, she will reach her potential in ways more glorious than we could ever have envisioned.

She left, but she’s not gone, not really. She’s inside my heart, my soul, my spirit. She always will be.

Mb – you divine, mystical, magical creature. I will miss you till it takes my breath away and I will see you again soon.