i will own it
i have spent
far too long
standing in the shadow
of my own
perception.
loathing
lip curling
at my own
reflection
in the mirror
in the store window
in the eyes of
satisfied
lovers
disgust
unmet expectation
endlessly comparing
and rejecting
myself
and now?
and now.
and now I will
own it.
posess it.
revel in every
soft/curvy
hard/angular
perfect/imperfect
inch of it
of me.
for my daughters
for my daughters daughters
for my lovers
for the kind-eyed stranger
behind the counter
at my neighbourhood
coffee bar.
who serves me
the perfect chocolate pastries.
for myself
i will own it.
before
i gave it away
threw it away
discarded it in the clouds of a million smoky bars
and on the floors
of unfamiliar rooms
next to dirty socks
and forgotten paperbacks.
did not want it
could not hold it
choked on the weight
and taste
of it.
i spit it out
with
revulsion.
and now?
and now.
i will hold it high
and touch it softly
and kiss it gently
and give it away freely
but
only to those who
deserve it.
i will be solid in my space
and soft
in my space
i will move
with intention in this space
and I will walk with purpose through
this space
with purpose and truth and
with
direction
i will dismantle
the walls
and tear down
these artificial
boundaries
designed to
protect
but serving to
distance
and i will crack myself
wide
open
open
open
open to experience
to pain
to love
to hurt
to the brilliance
that could be
my life,
that will be
my
life.
i will own my physicality
and I will own
my fluid
sexuality.
and I will look you in the eyes
with clarity
with no apology
or inhibition
for myself
and i will get right
to the
point
no more time
to waste
and I will dance with
passion
and I will live with
acceptance
and I will embrace with
abandon
and I will love
and I will love.
because
I will own it with my walk
and with my
talk
and with my body
language
and everyone will watch
because,
i will own it.
Out of all of the poems you have posted, this one is my absolute favorite (except for maybe the one about J’s birth…)
well done. seriously. it’s so powerful.
Comment by Heather — 10.19.07 @ 10:21:49
these words fit your self-portrait so beautifully.
you know what’s neat? this popped up underneath your post, in my bloglines: http://www.jenlemen.com/blog/?p=260
it felt kindred to you today, especially side-by-side.
love from the motherland… xo
Comment by sweetsalty kate — 10.19.07 @ 11:57:24
You are lovely. Inside and out.
Comment by gearhead mama — 10.20.07 @ 1:04:16
I love you, and I love your journey. I wish I had a window to see it more close up.
Comment by Kristina — 10.20.07 @ 4:43:23
I devoured every word. Three times.
I’ve been thinking of you from the moment we said goodbye on Tuesday. I will continue to hold you in my thoughts & in my heart.
You are strong. You are amazing. You are beautiful. I am honored to witness your rebirth.
Comment by Tamara — 10.20.07 @ 5:15:58
…and out of those shadows rises THIS you - the graceful poet who boldly owns her spirit and yet knows when to set it free to dance upon those shadows.
And somehow, this is the YOU I’ve always known and loved.
I want to hear you read this proclamation.
xoxo
Comment by Leigh — 10.20.07 @ 8:10:30
Cool, sister. We’re in the same space, it seems: http://flickr.com/photos/ninotchkab/1546406383/in/set-72157602374622808/
Comment by Ninotchka — 10.20.07 @ 3:45:50
You have just written my new mantra. I, too, will own it. Thank you yet again for your amazing words - you truly have a gift.
Comment by Bobbi — 10.20.07 @ 5:55:16
Wow, amazing words, you are an amazing person!
You are an inspiration to all of us as we continue to work on/out ourselves,
Nancy
Comment by Nancy — 10.20.07 @ 6:58:23
I really enjoy reading your beautiful words. Keep it up!
Comment by Leigh — 10.20.07 @ 8:11:41
An exquisite poem about an exquisite woman. This poem reached me deeply.
Comment by JenM — 10.21.07 @ 8:22:47
Stunning and beautiful. Own it. Owning it. Giving yourself permission to know what you don’t want to know. It is a revolution.
Love, B.
Comment by Brooke — 10.21.07 @ 7:52:24
Thanks - that was just what I needed to read today.
Comment by Kristina — 10.22.07 @ 3:48:02
Beautiful. Have you read, “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle? I am reading it now, and your words really resonated for me through his lens of experiencing the present.
Comment by Kori Lusignan — 10.22.07 @ 4:56:06
Amazing poem, so powerful. Just last night I was standing in the mirror looking at my 11 week post partum body (3rd baby) thinking ‘oh my, what’s happened??’ when my husband walked by and said ‘I can’t believe how hot your body is, and you just had a baby!’ Ooh the validation, now I just need to believe its true without anyone telling me…
And you, gorgeous. Your photography is AMAZING!
Comment by Linda — 11.04.07 @ 5:56:40
I read this when you first posted it and was left speechless. I’m afraid that words don’t come any easier on the second reading, but I am going to try for your sake. You have such a gift, Jeanette. You are such a gift. Our house is in disarray with perpetual remodeling right now, so I work wherever I can. But this makes me want to carve out my own space *now*, just so that I have a special place to hang up this up.
Comment by Linda — 11.05.07 @ 5:00:07
I know you wrote this a while ago, but I found it today and it was just what I needed. The power in these words reached into me. Thank you.
Comment by Helena — 12.09.07 @ 3:40:22