I try to approach my relationships without expectations or predetermined limitations. I strive to be open to the relationship and accept it for what it is - willing to go where it leads me, follow where it takes me, receive what it gives me, learn what it teaches me, reject what does not feel good to me, and revel in every last second of what does feel good.

It is far easier to stay safe, to protect myself and my gifts by keeping myself closed. Far simpler to decide in advance what a relationship can be, and then scramble to keep it within those parameters. Nice and safe and predictable. But easy and simple is not what I want – I have no real interest in nice and safe. Not now, not that I’ve seen and experienced what lies on the other side.

When someone enters our life we can’t ever really know what they will mean to us or to our journey. We might think we know - we might convince ourselves that we can control how it ultimately plays out based on what we think we want. But control, especially in the complex realm of human interaction, is never anything more than a fragile illusion.

I used to scramble for that control, used to think I could decide when and where and exactly how much someone would impact my life. Figured I could pick and choose who I wanted to let in, and how close they would get. This inevitably led to confusion and disappointment, because I wasn’t willing to acknowledge that I wasn’t the only one with the power to decide. In the process I did probably spare myself some measure of pain, but I know without a doubt that I also missed some beautiful, magical, transcendent moments along the way.

So now I try open myself to the possibility that lies within every interaction, without placing pressure on someone to be something that they are not meant to be for me. I don’t always succeed. Sometimes I find myself slipping into old patterns, putting up walls, projecting my own expectations on someone else’s experience, wanting more – or less – than someone is able to give. But that no longer feels authentic, and I remind myself that I don’t need to be that person. I can leave that behind and let my relationships set their own terms and their own timeline.

When I do that it all just flows. No, not necessarily safe, but nice and simple and easy after all.