suffused by grace
I had been working feverishly all morning, in that zone where time passes unnoticed, where your brain and body are vibrating together at a level of heightened consciousness. When you are aware of everything around you and nothing but what is in front of you at the very same time.
I finally made myself pause to get ready to pick up Julie from school and was in the kitchen getting a drink when I had to stop for a second. I felt a delicious combination of emotions and sensations wash over me, both familiar and foreign at the very same time.
In that moment the phrase ‘suffused by grace’ suddenly appeared in my mind. I don’t know where the words came from, but I knew they absolutely fit how I was feeling right then.
I was filled with a sense of rightness and purpose that had been missing for quite some time. Instead of feeling scattered and discombobulated, it was as if every level of my being was operating in perfect synchronization. There was a lightness, a fullness, a peaceful stillness existing in harmony with a kinetic sort of energy.
It took no more than a few seconds to identify what I was experiencing – I was in a place that can only be reached by working on something bigger than myself. For more than a year now, I have been operating in the relatively small and self-centered constrains of my own little bubble (granted, there’s been some fairly important things in that bubble that have required my full attention). There hasn’t been time, or energy or ability to go much beyond the immediate needs of self and family and home.
And now, as the dust begins to settle and my new life comes into greater focus, I am once again feeling called to devote myself to issues that matter. There is a sense of empowerment that comes from being a part, no matter how infinitesimally small, in the machine of necessary change. Shedding the masks of complacency and apathy (how easy both are to pick up and put on) and say that at the very core of my existence in this universe is my responsibility to DO SOMETHING.
And so I’ve been doing something. And it feels good.
