I love the internet in general and the blogosphere in particular for many reasons - not the least of which is that I often I stumble across parenting and life truisms that make me go, ‘oh yea, she gets it’.

We’ve been struggling with Bella lately. Since we returned from Canada she’s been seriously out of control and Sam and I have been at our wits end. Pretty obvious where it comes from (um, home remodel, upcoming move, starting kindergarten, big trip away from her father for five weeks, etc; just a few stresses in our lives). Not so obvious how to fix it.

We’ve been wondering how we went so wrong with this parenting thing, why the universe gives kids to people like us who are so obviously not up to the task of raising a productive member of society. Still, every now and then she’ll do something so lovely and sweet that my heart contracts with the depth of my love for her and I feel guilty about how many times I’ve thought about dropping her off at the mall and leaving her there.

Then today I read this passage at Dooce, and I had to laugh out loud.

“You think you’re going to be prepared for the sheer incredibleness of such a moment, but it’s like, someone keeps setting off pipe bombs on your front porch and throwing rocks through your windows, and then one day out of nowhere they show up and mow your lawn. And you’re suddenly glad you didn’t shoot them last week.”

That could not be more exactly, perfectly, dead on how I’ve been feeling. Of course, right now Bella follows up the lawn mowing by tossing yet another pipe bomb through the living room window…but whatever. We’re working on it.

Oh yea. What she said.

I was in the kitchen the other day while Bella and Julianna are down in the family room. Suddenly I hear sounds of great annoyance, and the following tirade:

“BABBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

I am SO tired of this.

Stay away from ME!

Stay away from MY TOYS.

YOU have gotten very troublesome.”

I guess that Bella has learned a universal truth – that younger siblings are much more enjoyable before they are mobile.

Let the fighting begin.

Okay. I was just more than 20 minutes late picking Bella up at preschool. Julianna finally went down for her nap, and I started in on all the Birth Network Newsletter stuff that needed to be done last month. But the bed was calling me with such a compelling siren song, and I thought I’d lie down for just a second.

Apparently I fell asleep. HARD.

I bolted upright an hour later with my head spinning and my heart pounding to see that it as already 3:15pm. Bella finishes preschool at 3pm.

Luckily, Bella’s preschool is in the neighbourhood – so shook the sleep from my eyes, grabbed the still sleeping Jules from her crib, stuffed her (clad in only a onesie – thankfully we live in Arizona and she didn’t freeze) into my Hotsling and raced to the school. The teachers laughed it off and said it was okay – but I could tell they thought I was a total flake (and lets be brutally honest here - I kinda am).

As if that wasn’t bad enough, when I got home my key would not work in the front door. I tried for over ten minutes, getting more and more flustered and stressed with every passing second. At first I thought it was just my foggy sleep brain and that somehow I was doing something wrong – but after a while it became clear that the lock was somehow broken. I was rapidly approaching total freak-out mode. Not only was I involved in some fairly harsh self-flagellation for falling asleep on the job – but now I had visions of having to sit on the steps with two children until Sam got home 3 hours later.

Our back gate is always locked with a padlock, but due to some stroke of luck Sam had left it unlocked this morning when he put the trash to the curb. Not only that, but I ran out so fast that I didn’t notice the sliding door was left wide open – so I could get in. Generally not a good idea to fall asleep and then leave your house with back door wide open – but I guess sometimes flakiness pays off.

So, if I parent the way I believe, I meet her needs, go with the flow, put her first and ride it out. I can’t let her cry. I won’t do it. But I am at a loss at how to gently teach her to sleep (she refuses to read the sleep books I buy her. stubborn baby). I’ve got to do something, I’m falling apart here.

Somethings gotta give.

At ten weeks, Julianna…

…Weighs 12lbs 15oz (84th percentile) and is 24” tall (87th percentile)…

…Talks to the pretty girl in the mirror, ceiling fans, the bright orange inflatable fish in the bathtub and the cartoonish face on the visor Bella wears to keep shampoo out of her eyes (although she gets mad because it won’t talk back)…

…Loves her nightly showers with Daddy…

…Looks beautiful in dark blue…

…Is just starting to occasionally reach for things…

…Pukes like a college student after too many rounds of Tequila…

…Sleeps on her tummy…

…Stops crying almost immediately when she hears the song “Mississippi Girl” by Faith Hill”…

…Wears mainly 3-6month clothes and size small cloth diapers…

…Likes her mama to rock her to sleep singing You Are My Sunshine and Hush Little Baby (the same songs I sang to Bella every night during my pregnancy)…

…Smiles so sweetly nobody could resist her…

…Has an annoying habit of taking 20-minute cat naps – so she wakes up just as soon as I sit down to relax…

…Screams bloody murder whenever she is strapped in her carseat…

…usually sleeps best in her crib…

…Would prefer to be carried in arms 24/7…

…likes to push her self up to a standing position when sitting on my lap…

…Is falling in head over heels love with her big sister…

…Is a little snuggle bug…

…produces enough drool to fill a swimming pool…

At four years old, Bella…

…Weighs 36lbs 4oz (57th percentile) and is 46” tall (>97th percentile)…

… Requests stories about monsters and dragons and other fearsome creatures…

… Still loves her Fisher Price Little People best of all…

… Has imaginary friends named Char, Ally, Aliot and Tetooney, who all have families and elaborate backstories…

…Has her mother’s sweet tooth…

…Can wear clothing ranging from size 24months – 4T…

…Loves Winnie The Pooh…

…Can make her own PB&J…

…Looks beautiful in red…

…Is Taylor’s best friend…

…Still sucks her thumb…

…Responds to textures; loves anything soft or squishy…

….Loves her Groovy Girls and playing dress-up…

…Asks questions in the negative; “I can’t have a treat before lunch?”…

…Would eat only fruit and/or yogurt for breakfast, lunch and dinner if she got to choose…

…Says “I only wanna do what I wanna do” when someone tries to steer her in a direction that is not of her choosing…

…Loves Little Critter and Robert Munsch Books…

…Recently told me: “Mama, I am four now, so I won’t suck my thumb, pick my nose, or call out after I go to bed”. A few days later told me “I’ll stop sucking my thumb when I’m four - but I’ll REALLY, REALLY stop sucking my thumb when I’m 16″.

…Is a huge fan of Angelina Ballerina…

…Tells me “It’s hard to be the big sister sometimes”…

…Likes Caesar Salad, carrots and hummus, broccoli (little trees), scrambled and hard boiled eggs and feta cheese but dislikes mushrooms and pickles…

…Constantly requests picnics on a blanket in the backyard…

…Cannot seem to grasp the concept that when I am upstairs, I can’t hear her screaming downstairs…

…Can write her name…

…Has an incredible imagination…

…Sings long made up songs to herself; only a quarter of the words are recognizable, the rest are her own invention…

…Can play happily by herself for hours…

At age 30, I…

…Am 5’5” tall and have no idea what I weigh (wouldn’t tell you if I did)…

…Am perpetually busy, consistently overwhelmed, constantly tired, unbelievably fulfilled, and undeniably flaky…

…Feel blessed beyond measure by the grace that has entered my life in recent years…

…Have found a tribe of women who lift me up and hold me close…

…Have undertaken the biggest project of my life, The Arizona Birth Network and along with the incredible team of women who are my partners, have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams…

…Am the mother of two beautiful daughters, and the wife of one incredible man…

…Still love to dance…

…Am maybe, possibly, slowly learning to cook…

…Still can’t manage to keep my house clean for more than a day or two…

…Struggle with body image, and with fitting into most of my clothing…

…Want to take a photography class…

…Constantly fight selfish urges to do what I want to do, when I want to do it…

…Am getting hooked on “Lost”…

…Plan to train for a 5K…

…Still have a Prada mindset, still have a Goodwill budget…